2nd Annual Vintage Valentinepalooza

Happy February 14th!  However you and your sweetie mark the day, I hope it's a good one. And if you are a young single person, I hope you enjoy the hell out of talking about how awful Valentine's Day is on Tumblr. I mean that, I really do. Sincerely.

Last year I had so much fun sourcing out the creepiest vintage Valentine's Day cards on the net (be warned, some of them are super offensive) that I thought I'd make a tradition out sharing these little oddities.  This year the selection is less rapey and racist, but just as bizarre.

Here's the deal. You can be my valentine if you kill the mouse. The mouse in the marching band uniform.

On second thought...take this guy out first, okay?

If vermin isn't your thing, maybe some love notes based around the ever romantic and relaxing theme of dental work will turn your crank?

Everybody wants to get with "Shit Sandwhich Girl" and who can blame them?

His love is "habit forming".

"At first I wasn't sure about him...but then he made this pun about truffle pigs and...well...you can imagine what happened after that..."

Get it together, man.

Even (or maybe especially) Bovine Songiform Encephalopathy victims need love.

And finally, for the most passive aggressive first grader in your class....