Monday, March 25, 2013

Top Chef Canada Episode 2 Recap: Scavenger Hunt? More like Scavenger *#%@.

Good morning, Canadian Top Chefs!  Before anyone has even had their coffee we learn Newfoundland Chris is struggling. Waking up is hard.  Boxing gloves Caitlin is not interested in you or your bullshit OK?  She's busy, sitting on the rooftop patio looking angry.

QUICKFIRE!

G.E. Monogram not-Padma waits for the Canadian Top Chefs looking poised in a snake skin pattern dress.  She tells them that they need to cook using MREs for somebody who calls himself Survivor Man.  I've never heard of his show, but it looks like his shirt and facial hair managed to survive since the late 90's, so there's that.

THE NEWLY BRANDED FINISH CLOCK TICKS DOWN!  TICK, TOCK! WHO IS THE AD WIZARD THAT CAME UP WITH THAT ONE?  Calgary Chris can't get his MRE open.  And he hates oatmeal.  Good start! What is this guy, 12?

Boxing glove Caitlin is, of course, one of those women who hates other women.  OF COURSE.  Expensive Shirt Matthew calls himself "the one to beat", and he might be right.  Luxury Jonathan mixes them a cocktail.  I love him.  I hate him.  I love to hate him.  And they are the top three with Luxury Jonathan taking it.  He has immunity and will live another day to talk through his teeth, look down his nose and make me love / hate him again.  He won't be cooking during the elimination challenge, he'll be eating with the judges.  Swish!

ELIMINATION CHALLENGE!

Scavenger Hunt at Riverdale Farm in pairs.  Shouty Robert Irvine and his arms are here to judge this challenge and two people will be going home.  Most of the pairs do well on the scavenger hunt, the teams seem to be gelling well, except for Ruth and Boxing glove Caity.

Not blonde Becky is paired with Calgary Chris.  I'm not sure how he even got in this competition.  Honestly, this guy might not even be a cook.

Meanwhile, back at the condo, Luxury Jonathan suits up, flexes his jaw muscles and says "this is a good day for Jonathan."  Something tells me when this guy becomes unfurled it ain't gonna be pretty.

...and Nicole just hit herself in the face with a hot pan.  Let's eat!

I'm going to start a Facebook Page demanding Robert Irvine buy a shirt with sleeves.  Enough, seriously.

Two things:  I don't think if you ever do that with your shirt in public you should be allowed to judge anyone. Ever.  Also, I have that EXACT shirt that Paula Deen is wearing.  And I kind of love it.  Is that wrong???

Nicole & Rory please the judges, Expensive Shirt Matthew and Newfoundland Chris knock it out of the park and then Boxing glove Caity and Ruth totally shit the bed.  Both of them.  The food was meh and they sent in two dishes instead of one.

There is a wasp situation at Riverdale Farm, making it difficult for the judges to eat.  Well, there's a WASP situation too, but that's just because Jonathan has immunity.

Now it's raining like mad.  Quick, somebody grab a pack of SPONGETOWELS!

The Brit and The Cast seem to be developing a wee bromance.

Not blonde Becky and Calgary Chris did a great job, which basically means Calgary Chris can take direction.

Smiling Danny and someone named Clement (?) did a poor job with their pork and Crying Kayla and Ge-off turned out a pretty plate without a lot of depth.  The Brit and The Cast over seasoned and McEwan says "the more you eat, the less you like it".  Ru-roh, bros.

JUDGES TABLE!

Resplendit in yellow lace, the G.E. Monogram not-Padma calls Caity / Ruth, The Brit / The Cast out of the beer locker of self pity and into the blue room of death.  We hear things like "offensive", "I wanted to scrape my tongue" and "check yourself".  Caity and Ruth are trying to throw each other under the bus and the bros just hang their heads and look ashamed.  Fully ashamed.  They were super cocky and they knew it.

Boxing glove Caity is awful.  Awful.

Not blonde Becky & Calgary Chris and Expensive Shirt Matthew & Newfoundland Chris have the best dishes of the day.  Robert tells the boys that they won and that he wanted to lick their plate.  That's the first two elimination challenges to Matthew.  He wears that expensive shirt for a reason.  But like Danny Smiles wonders...what is he hiding?!?!

Will they "wipe a team" or divide and concur?  Who will go home?

In the end The Cast and Ruth have to go.  Ouch.  Peace out, bitches.  The moral of this story is don't cross Boxing glove Caity (she is a psycho) and don't try to take part in a cooking competition with a cast on your arm.

Next week we are promised Boxing glove Caity saying things directly into the camera like "I will murder her" and guest judge (wait for it) Daniel Boulud!

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