Top Chef Canada Episode 3 Recap: You say Macaroon, I say Macaron, let's call the whole thing off.

Prediction for this week: Salmon Guy turns into a salmon...and becomes the first salmon to ever win a Quickfire!

We're down to a not at all manageable fourteen contestants.  How are we supposed to keep track of these people. Sergio? Was he even on the first two weeks?

Good morning, Chefs!  Good morning not-Padma!

Former Top Chef Canada host, Thea Andrews back in her ET days (from an event I was shooting at TIFF).

This week the guest judge is Thea Andrews who's not hosting because she is "glowing".  Thea says the old cliche about pregnant women eating strange food exists because it's true.  Jimmy Stewart, who really should change his name, points out that she's ready to "burst"!  This is at least the second comment about pregnant women bursting on Top Chef Canada this season.  All of the chefs look terrified of pregnant Thea and her ticking time bomb of a uterus.  Now, the chefs must create something combining two ingredients that wouldn't normally go together to please pregnant Thea.

Something named Durian (?) that looks like a cactus is stinking up the kitchen.

Thea is wearing ridiculous high heels for somebody who is gestating.  Just looking at her makes my feet hurt.

Jimmy Stewart says, with a great sense of authority that pregnant women love fried food.  I hate him.

Headband has to cook the Durian.  With white chocolate.  He's freaking out.

Trevor has "no experience with pregnant ladies whatsoever". Quelle surprise.  His pickle and peanut butter sandwich looks...interesting.

Oh, poor headband.  And his stinky mystery object.

Elizabeth made a chicken with cauliflower and cocoa that looks really nummy. Judging my the looks on the ladies' faces it doesn't taste as good as it looks.

The only French man in Calgary is really pleasant, but his crepe was not a hit with Thea.

Sarah's dish was booooooring.

This Sergio guy that I didn't notice until this week made a Chocolate Sage concoction that was good but Jimmy's fried chicken wings with raw oatmeal and wasabi peas pleased Thea and he WINS! She called him deranged, but he still wins. And she's still "ready to burst".

ELIMINATION CHALLENGE!

Let me tell you, when you're pregnant, every elimination is a challenge.  Sorry that was gross.  But come on, like the Durian wasn't?

The chefs have to cater a baby shower for Thea and resident judge Shereen Arazm, who is also preggo. They will work in pairs, creating a "boy" dish and a "girl" dish for a cocktail party.  I will vote for the team that creates a two-for-one dish. Because who doesn't like to think about hermaphrodites at a baby shower?

I wonder if anybody ever shops at McEwan's like they are on Top Chef?  Just running through the front doors, careening down the aisles yelling "BUTTERCREAM!" and "I GOT THIS!!!!!!!!"

The only French man in Calgary laughs when they make him refer to it as the "GE Monogram Kitchen".

Curtis says he's making Macaroons.  He's not, he's making Macarons.  He spills and just leaves it on the floor. He's acting like a shitbag.  Trevor chose the wrong the partner. Later, Trevor tries to hug it out and tells Curtis he loves him. Curtis won't even look at him.  Aaaaaaawkward.

The chefs set up at George where the party is.  One of the best meals I ever had in my life was at George this summer at Marc and Emily's wedding.  Marc was a chef there and the kitchen pulled out all the stops.  Holy god, that was good food.

Headband and Elizabeth are both making Maple Bacon Donuts.  Seriously?  What?  Huh?

Mark McEwan says "macaroon" and I lose a certain amount of respect for him. Seriously people.  MACARON.  Here's a visual aid:

MACAROON

MACARON

See? Not even close! There's a whole extra letter and a lot of coconut in one of those cookies! What is wrong with everybody?

The guests look like a "pack of hungry wolves"???  Really, Gabriell?  Really?

The only French man in Calgary made a goat cheese ball with...oh, who cares.  It's so awful it made not-Padma wipe her tongue with a paper napkin.  McEwan says "if I stayed up late at night trying to think of something more nasty to prepare I don't think I could do it" he also shudders a lot for effect.  Sarah's is also awful.  Crash and burn.  It's going to be hard to find a team that does worse than these two.

Stop. Saying. Macaroooons.

Trevor and Curtis did great.  Curtis is still a shitbag.  And Trevor is a way too earnest.

Lots of this stuff just fell flat.  Some of it was offensive.  Looks like it will be between Trevor, Curtis and  Headband's donut.

Sarah, Joel, David and the only French man in Calgary get called before the judges table in the scary blue room of death. They were the worst.  Obviously.

Sarah gets lectured on flavour pairings and loses her shit.  Ugh.  So hard to be the girl crying.  So hard.

Headband, Trevor, Curtis and Karl are the top four.  The best of the best is Curtis.  Who I still find...suspect.

I'm not sure how they're going to choose the worst of the worst.  All of those dishes sound soooo bad.  It's Sarah...for making a rice ball with chocolate sauce and pig fat.  Or for crying.  I'm not sure.

Join us next week when the remaining thirteen contestants have to cook brains.  Yes. Braaaaains.  Zombie Top Chef Canada!