Trying my wings...

Lenny's first birthday fast approaches.  Too fast.  Way too fast.  Knowing that this milestone is just around the corner has me in "this time last year" mode.  This time last year, I packed up my desk at the job I had been doing since 2004 and walked waddled home to spend two weeks eating popsicles, watching endless episodes of Ru Paul's Drag Race and trying not to think about childbirth.

It was just as fun as it sounds.

Suddenly, it's a year later and my maternity leave is at an end.  That's right, American friends, we get a year of paid leave here in Canada.  Every time I think about the fact that you guys get six weeks maternity leave I think about how I was still sleeping on the main floor of my house because I couldn't yet handle stairs after the c-section six weeks after Lenny was born.  Then I stand at attention and sing a chorus of The Maple Leaf Forever.

I have had the most wonderful year.  It's been filled with cuddles and spit up and crawling and cruising.  It's been filled with diapers and bottles and board books and playpens.  It's been days of sleeping when the mood strikes us and spontaneous mid-afternoon walks.  It's been lunch dates and coffee dates and our mid-week Rainbow Songs class.  We've taken the time to just be and it has been nothing short of magnificent.

I'm going to miss it.

Like, a lot.

Tuesday, I go back to work.  Same office, new exciting job.  I'll be working in Social Media, helping to promote an institution I'm really proud of here in Toronto.  It's an incredible opportunity.  To quote my boss: See what happens? You don't come to work for a year and you get a promotion!

I'm excited.

Really, really excited.

It is bittersweet though, the idea of flying out of this nest I made.  I know I will shed some tears when I leave Len's smiling face in the morning.  All I can say is, thank god for giant sunglasses.  The last thing I want is sympathy from subway riders.

Right now I feel like life is all shiny and full of possibility.  I have my family, my health, a beautiful home, amazing friends and a career.  Just typing that makes me anxious that I'm going to, to paraphrase Miss Ru herself, FUCK IT UP.  I want so badly to achieve balance (or something close to it).  I want to make sure I'm doing right by my daughter.  I want to give my all at work.  And I still want to find the time to read The New Yorker and get a manicure. Most of all, I hope I can look back on "this time last year", next year, and know that this was the beginning of a great chapter in our lives.