I expected to be surprised when I became a mother.
No, that's not the right word. I anticipated surprises. I anticipated that this new person in my life would change things. Obviously. But I wasn't prepared. We're never prepared. I mean, of course, there's the Love. The Love you hear about but can't understand until you experience it. I always found that so condescending when I was childless (by choice). "You'll never understand until it's your kid."
But damn if it isn't just a little bit true.
Becoming Lenny's mom changed the way I see everything.
I never anticipated that she would be my favourite person to hang out with. Even when she was just a toddler. How could someone this little be such good company? Sure, she's exhausting a lot of the time, but she's fun and funny and just a blast to be around. I guess I knew I'd love her, but I didn't know that I'd be so lucky as to really, really like her too.
I never anticipated that becoming a mom would take my personal goals and just, wham-o, turn them on their head. I thought maybe I would become more apathetic about work, less engaged in the things I loved to do. The complete opposite happened. It's as if I see myself more clearly now and I want to achieve big things, not just for myself but for her too. When she was 4 weeks old I did my first photography assignment for the National Post. When she turned 2 years old I went freelance as a Social Media Marketing Consultant. I absolutely L O V E what I do. Before I became a mom going to work every day was often a struggle. Now, I relish it. That is...unexpected.
I want to be a good role model. And I want to foster my passions, just for my own satisfaction too. In fact, I have a much clearer idea of what those passions are now that I'm on this side of the motherhood divide. I did not anticipate that at all. What a gift this particular realization has been for me. I feel more secure and more driven than I have in my life. I can't help but think that the purpose I've found being Lenny's mom has something to do with that. Thank you for that, kiddo. Thank you for the gift of perspective, the gift of clarity and the gift of being your mother. Most days I can hardly believe my good fortune.