Top Chef Canada Episode 4 Recap: Hold Your Tongue!


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Not-Padma is wearing her hair curly in a Little Orphan Annie kind of way.  If Annie were a sexy brunette.  Which, frankly, I find kind of disconcerting.


Chef McEwan has assembled a collection of meats for the chefs to taste and identify.  Now all I can hear is Paul Shaffer wailing "Know your cuts of me-eee-eee-eeeaaaat!!!!!!!".  What's next?  Monkey Cam? Hail the size of Canned Ham? Stupid Chef Tricks?

Know your cuts of meat!

The chefs are freaking out.  They have to wear blindfolds.  Not-Padma jokingly says "kinky!" which would be hot if she didn't look like she was going to burst out in a chorus of "Maybe".

Jimmy Stewart goes first and he gets all three wrong.  Gabriell smells the meat first and identifies everything but chicken. Now it's a montage of chefs who cannot identify any of these goddamn meats.  They can't even figure out chicken or turkey.

The two women remaining in the competition come in on the bottom.  These ladies do not know their meat!

Headband, Sergio, Carl and Gabriell now how have to do a sudden death round because they tied for top place.  I'm thinking they should just send the other 8 chefs home now and call it a day.  You can't identify chicken?  Why are you cooking on TV for prizes?  Go home and eat some more chicken so you can one day remember what it tastes like.

The sudden death involves non-meat products.  They're still blindfolded.  This is starting to remind me of that game they used to play with us at the public library during Halloween week.  You remember...where they blindfold you and make you touch cooked spaghetti and tell you it's brains?  Cause why WOULDN'T the public library have a human brain in their inventory ready to be touched by a bunch of 3rd graders?  I'll tell you why, because some asshole took out that brain in 1978 and never returned it.  Damn thing is just collecting dust in his basement.  Shameful.

Headband and Sergio both identify bee pollen correctly.  Now there are some advanced palettes.  Does this mean they both used to work at Booster Juice?  Then, Headband wins the whole thing by identifying Avocado Oil.  I'm impressed, I admit it. the man!  The man without immunity?!  What a rip!


Little Orphan Not-Padma breaks the news that they will be required to make a 13 course tasting menu using OFFAL. That's right.  Organ meat.  Brains, stomachs, intestines.  Gross.  Gross, gross, gross.  And the guest judge is Chef Chris Cosentino who is kind of famous and cooks this shit all the time.

Sergio is talking about making a Beef Tongue Poutine which may be the only thing in the world that would make me even consider eating Beef Tongue.  A childhood besty of mine's mom used to cook Beef Tongue and that, nothing could get me out of their apartment and back home faster.  Gross.  Gross, gross, gross.

Dave has crazy eyes.

Jimmy Stewart has Daddy issues.

The ladies are fighting amongst themselves.

Elizabeth's Pig Ear presentation looks edible.  Is that because anything crispy seems appealing?  Jimmy's Veal Brain Ravioli is a big hit.  Maybe his dad will love him after all.  Carl made a tiny version of Steak and Eggs with Beef Heart.  It looks amazing and I would totally eat it.  That's saying a lot.

Headband's Veal Sweet Breads are well executed but they don't seem to love it.  Aaawww.

Curits made a big mess of sausages with Lamb Intestines.  It looks really bad.  What's with all the cous cous?  You're weird Curtis.

Sergio made the poutine, but it looks baaaaad.  I thought he'd braise the tongue and do a Jamie Kennedy style dish but instead it's just sliced and sitting on top of the fries.  FAIL.

Gabriell is all down on his dish.  With cause.  Honestly though, Tripe?

I find Trevor weird too.  Like, he makes me uncomfortable.  I can't even tell you what he cooked.  Maybe when him and Curtis have to pack up their knives they can open a place together.

David, who has been not living up to the judges expectations so far does a "go big or go home" dish and serves them Duck Liver Ice Cream.  Chris Cosentino takes one bite of the stuff and looks like he might cry with gratitude.  Looks like David has upped his game.  McEwan calls the dish "beautifully weird" which I kind of love.


I find Chris Cosentino charming enough to maybe even try some Offal someday.  This guy had dedicated his career to this stuff.  Can it be that bad?

Elizabeth, Carl, Jimmy and David are the top four and with good reason, I'd say.  They all look so happy.  Can't blame them.  And Chef David wins big with his Duck Liver Ice Cream.  Bravo, Crazy Eyes, you deserve it!  Enjoy the $2500 worth of Le Creuset cookware (don't let your future ex-wife get it)!

Gabriell, Trista, Curtis and Sergio are the bottom four.  I'm torn.  I'd like to see Curtis go home because he's a freak. But he's good TV (because he's a freak).  Gabriell is pretty sure he's going home because of the Tripe.  I'm thinking they might keep him on.  Who will go home?  Oh and by the way, SPONGE TOWELS!

Sergio has to pack his knives and go.  Sad face.  That poutine looked like it really sucked, so I guess he deserved it, but it's a shame.  He's a likeable guy and he's done some good work.

Next week the guest judge is Alan Thicke.  Delicious!

1 comment :

  1. Anonymous12:59 PM

    I've just been reading your latest Top Chef recaps. As fun as the show! I'm sorry Elizabeth is gone now b/c she was good tv, and now the only personality the camera really loves is Jimmy. (Well, the camera liked the guy stepping on the counter for a moment too, but not enough to keep him after the grease on butter prosciutto on a croissant sandwich thing.)


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