Having a baby changes everything?

7.4.11

OK.  So here's the deal.  Last month I was at Starbucks with Lenny, she enjoying a bottle, me enjoying a triple grande latte.  The thing about leisurely coffee breaks with the kid is that eventually you have to venture into the less leisurely task of getting organized enough to manage a trip to the bathroom.  It doesn't sound hard but managing to open the double doors to the bathroom while juggling the stroller, the diaper bag and a full (postpartum) bladder makes me nervous.  I'm relieved when we make it inside without incident and I manage to calm her down quickly after the spooky, flickering environmentally friendly lightbulb sends her into a screaming fit.  Success!  Then, while she's sitting in her stroller and I'm sitting somewhere else (don't make me say it) bidding adieu to my triple grande latte, the door opens and I'm there face to face with a, there's no other way to put it, rather traumatized man.

When you have to think of doing forty-five things before you can pee sometimes you forget one.  This time, I forgot to lock the door.

They say having a baby changes everything.  I thought they meant priorities and sleep and you know, The Love and whatnot.  It never once occurred to me that having a baby meant that I would no longer have the normal human response to being caught, pants down, relieving myself by a perfect stranger of the opposite sex.

Instead of feeling shocked or humiliated or apologetic like I know I would have this time last year, I simply said, "oops, guess I forgot to lock the door".  Here's the kicker:  I said this while making eye contact with this poor, stricken man and making no effort whatsoever to cover up or close the door.

If this kind of behaviour continues I will not blame Lenny at all for asking me to wait around the corner when I pick her up from the movie theatre.  Not even a little bit.

And to the anonymous man, no doubt still wandering the Danforth in a state of frozen horror, unable to ever attempt using a public washroom again:  I'm sorry.  But it's not my fault.  Having a baby changes everything.

5 comments :

  1. "...and you know, The Love and whatnot." Awesome.

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  2. Children take your brain cells for their own. You may call me Alibi Ike or The Voice of Experience, whichever best suits.

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  3. Hahaha that is hilarious. If that is the worse thing that happens to that guy all week then he is not so bad off!

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  4. Har! It does change a gal, yep. My Baboos tell me I am embarrassing often, even after I remind them that I am not one of the Moms wearing a sweater with scotty dogs or birdhouses on the front.

    Well, I still love ya (your blog that is) so I gave you an award today over at the Layers.

    www.alotoflayers.blogspot.com

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  5. I'm totally going to start carrying around a baby doll now for situations like this. It's the perfect excuse. Double parking? Off-key singing in the car? Tripping in public? "Sorry. Having a baby changes everything."

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