The Awkward In-Between Stage

So here's the thing about being pregnant so far. I have no idea what to tell people when they ask me how I am. I mean, I'm FINE. And don't think I don't realize how lucky that makes me. I realize it. But when I say just that, "I'm fine" they look at me, wide eyed and tilt their heads, waiting for more. After the awkwardness hangs in the air for a little while I usually follow up with a somewhat manic "I'm GREAT!" cause obviously, being fine was not the answer they were looking for and I need to amp it up. Nine times out of ten, and I'm not kidding here, that's not satisfactory either and they follow up with "well then, how's the baby?"

Blink.

Blink.

I'm sorry? What? I don't know! Fine too, I'm assuming. I hope. I mean, I'm not getting any complaints from in there yet. How am I supposed to answer that? No. Really. How am I supposed to answer that? And no, my reaction to these lovely people's perfectly nice questions have nothing to do with mood swings, thankyouverymuch, I've always been this bitchy.

I really am fine. So fine in fact, there are days I forget I'm pregnant at all. I haven't forgotten long enough to drink coffee or diet coke or a bottle of red wine or go bungee jumping or anything fun like that but I do feel so good most of the time that when a day sneaks up on me like yesterday when the heartburn was a persistent mofo and it felt like a shot put was sitting on my pelvis I got really rather grumbly. Like I'd come to expect that the only truly irritating symptom I would have to put up with would be peeing every two hours all night, every night. Hell, I've gotten so used to that I don't think I'd know how to sleep through the night anymore. Which, come to think of it, is probably a good thing.

Another side effect of all of this feeling fine is that I haven't been putting any effort whatsoever in documenting this pregnancy so far which I'm sure will make me look back and shake my head someday. So. Let's recap, shall we?

Notes from the First Trimester

"I can smell everything"

"That tastes disgusting"

"Excuse me, I have to go read everything ever written on the internet about the first 12 weeks of pregnancy"

"Canada Dry Gingerale has real ginger in it"

"Even seeing another human being with boobs makes me think of my boobs and how much they hurt"

"I HATE the subway"

"Why don't my jeans fit so sooooon?"

"Boobs"

"That's a poor excuse for a pee"

"zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

And rinse...AND repeat. That was pretty much it for 8 weeks. I was tired the first 4 weeks too, but I just thought that was red wine fatigue from all those holiday parties. In fact, in retrospect, the hardest part of the first trimester was lying to everyone about why I wasn't drinking at all the parties after we found out. All of my acting experience really paid off, let me tell you. Although, faking being too hungover to drink isn't hard to do when you're dealing with even low grade morning sickness. For the frist 3 months, being pregnant basically feels like being hungover. Except instead of the greasy breakfast hangover food your body thinks it wants, you have to try and eat salad.

The mental trauma that I was expecting didn't kick in until after week 12 and the first ultrasound when we actually had to come out of the closet and tell people. For some reason that terrified me. Whenever possible I emailed instead of telling people in person. If a person absolutely had to be told verbally, I made the Robeau do it. Or if you were my boss, I made you guess. Cause I'm grown up and well adjusted like that. I'm not even going to try and analyze that one. That would be too much mental and figurative navel gazing for one post. I'll spare you the story of the tailbone injury I sustained during a pap smear too. That's TMI even for me.

So, here I am, stuck in the awkward in-between stage. Not fitting into any of my clothes, but just looking chubbier. Happy, but not yet filled with the anticipation that everyone seems to be looking for. Feeling fine, but with nothing to report. Still, thanks for asking...honest.