Making sense of the issues, part 1.

So, I met this Catholic Priest, but he wasn’t in his outfit, so I didn’t know. He didn’t look suspicious. I didn’t know. We were in a Church, and people started talking about marriage. Probably cause we were at a wedding rehearsal. You know the drill. “I’m married”, “I’m divorced”, blah, blah, blah, and I say to the Priest guy “I don’t think I believe in marriage. I’m perfectly happy living in sin. What about you, are you married?” And he says “Yes, yes I am. I’m married…to GOD.”

Wow. That has got to be a lot of pressure. Being married to GOD. I mean he must win every argument. And I bet he’s a real dick, you know? I bet he’s a real bear at home. “Don’t bother me with that today Brad. I’ve had a busy day. War. Famine. The Olympics. I’ve got a lot of shit going on! Can’t you just pray to me like everyone else?”

I mean, I think I would feel so…neglected.

“I’m married to GOD.” He sounded so sad about it too. I saw the subtext. “I’m married to GOD and the only time I get to eat him is during mass.”

Because they ARE gay, right? This is a homosexual relationship. I mean we all know that GOD is a man, right? I’ve seen the paintings. GOD has a beard.

That must be why the Catholic Church is so opposed to gay marriage. It’s not the idea of gay marriage they hate, they’re just trying to preserve the sanctity of the gay union between a priest and his big, bearded, blustering MALE GOD. That’s all.