I watched the Oscar red carpet pre-show so you didn't have to.

The Oscars and I have had an interesting history. One year, when Canada first got E! I watched pre-show coverage starting at noon and stayed up and watched post show coverage till about 3:00am. Why? I have no earthly idea. Truth be told, I enjoyed it. Two years later I didn't watch at all, I was busy hosting a comedy show downtown. It was that year I discovered not everyone was home on Oscar night. We had a full house of people who didn't give a rat's ass about award shows. Well, Oscar and I have found a happy medium. Now I generally catch an hour or so of pre-show, grab a glass of wine and some cheese (this year, Boursin!) and hunker down for a relaxing night of fashions and back-slapping. Bring it on!

7:10pm - Hunkering down with a red wine to watch the fashions on the red carpet.

7:13pm - That Amanda girl from Mama Mia is pretty funny.

7:14pm - Amy Adams' necklace is nice, the hair is classy, but the dress is AWFUL.

7:17pm - Ah, SJP and Matthew are adorbs. There's my theatre people, hanging out with the movie stars. She'll be on everyone's top ten list for this shiny princess dress.

7:18pm - SATC 2? The girls retire and move to Florida?

7:19pm - Seth Rogen! Hello Buddy! Get fat again! "I vomit alot". LOL. Boy, I love him. Looking forward to "Funny People".

7:20pm - The most beautiful people on the red carpet so far for my money? Robert Downey Jr. and Natalie Portman. Yowza!

7:26pm - Marisa Tomei nominated for that movie I will NEVER see. I'm sorry, I cannot watch Mickey Rourke's face for 90 minutes. I'm sorry.

7:27pm - Sophia Loren? What are you wearing? What's with that hair and the fake tan? You're so beautiful, why do you look like crap? Ugh.

7:28pm - Mickey Rourke. This is not a comeback it is an aberration.

7:29pm - Oh, shit. Mickey Rourke. You're killing me talking about your dog. It's so much harder to be mean to you when you talk about your puppy.

7:30pm - Look! Six guys that look like Larry King. They must be producers.

7:31pm - Queen Latifah, love you, not sure about your dress. Maybe better on stage? Probably not.

7:33 - Wonder if Ron Howard's interview will be just a little bit too long, like all his movies?

7:36pm - Peter Gabriel is vocally unhappy with the medley. Well done, Sir!

7:38pm - Jessica Biel looks kind of frumpy. What's that about? I'm not even sure how that's possible!

7:40pm - E! reporter just called herself out for being "a freak" for shouting when she got her first glimpse of Brad and Angelina. Can't say I blame her. They're so beautiful. Too bad Zahara's not there though. She has the best 'tude in that family as far as I can tell. I bet she could WORK IT on the red carpet.

7:42pm - Penelope Cruz looks cute in her vintage inspired gown. Like the bangs. More importantly, she's got my thumbs up to win tonight, she's done Woody PROUD. Vicky Cristina Barcelona is a hell of a movie.

7:44pm - Philip Seymour Hoffman is wearing a touque. To the Oscars. I love ya Hoff, but you gotta cut this shit out.

7:45pm - Kate Winselt for best dressed. Oh my GOSH I love it. The contrasting colours, that graphic leaf pattern on the shoulder, the gauzy overlay on the skirt, the architectural cut on the bodice. She's a KNOCKOUT. I don't see how anyone else is going to surpass her. Stunning. Just. Stunning.


7:52pm - This woman from E! is obsessed with Brad and Angelina. I find the fact that she's being so open about it totally refreshing.

755pm - Alicia Keys looks fresh and beautiful. Love the pink. She should get a spot on the "official" top ten lists, whatever those are.

7:56pm - Does anybody watch The Barbara Walters Special anymore?

8:00pm - Dear John Legend, your suit is brown, your tie is skinny and you have a pocket square. You are retro-perfect. Love, Tracey. PS - your date is hot.

8:01pm - Hello, Tim Gunn and Robin Roberts you lovely classy people. But I've got to be honest with you I MISS JOAN RIVERS!!!! Where my BITCHES at???

8:05pm - Ha Ha. Tim Gunn just manhandled Angelina. She was gracious but couldn't get out of there fast enough. Reminds me of Abby Elliot on SNL. Ha. (I do like her earings).

8:07pm - Eeek. Miley Cyrus. That dress. WHY? It looks like it weighs more than her. She'd be so cute in...well...anything else.

8:10pm - Ah! Look at all these folks from Slumdog! The kids are so cute in their little tuxedoes. Way to go Danny Boyle. Great movie, so glad I saw it before the award show.

8:13pm - Ugh. This is sooo antiseptic.

8:15pm - Viola Davis is lovely. Also, she knows, having won Tony Awards that Hugh Jackman will do just fine hosting tonight. Don't worry about Hugh, am I right Viola?

8:17pm - Boring coverage has led me to wander over to Twitter where I see Aniston's date is on his blackberry: " johncmayer I'm not going to lie to you, I look good. But don't get used to it, because I can't stand perfection." I enjoy him.

8:19pm - Accountant montage pretty cute.

8:20pm - Meryl Streep, you are glorious. Perfect. Always perfect.

8:22pm - Oh, so Penelope Cruz's dress isn't vintage inspired, it's VINTAGE. Lovely.

8:23pm - Thank god for Jack Black. Charlie Hayden's daughter looks casual but elegant.

8:24pm - Tim Gunn to Tomei "that's nervous making". Ha.

8:25pm - Judd Apatow just made fun of his wife's dress. To her face.

8:26pm - This set design with the band onstage is PROMISING! And the Music Director is AWESOME.

8:28pm - I'm done. Go watch the show. Have fun, we'll meet back here later!