Recently, while cleaning my apartment, I found a pile of old stories I had written as a kid. The story below was written when I was in 5th grade and got seperated from my class on a field trip. I find the fact that I, even then, managed to gloss over my deep fear and go for the joke quite...telling.
Grammar and spelling errors included for a sense of authenticity.
PIONEER VILLAGE
by Tracey Nolan
Part I
I sure had a different trip on May 28, 1985. When we got there we had to wait 45 min. till our tour. There was a park with big hills waiting for us! Lets go! We played all kinds of games how fun but..."Somebody help me with my shoes" I yelled. I fell into a great big mud puddle. I stood there dripping wet with mud and sympathy. Ahh poor Tracey the rest of you laughed. Miss Davis said I could go clean off. The fasets were awful so it took me ages to get the mud off. I squished back to the park and who was there waiting for me?
Part II
Hey were is everybody? I thought. Nobody was there except for a gardner across the street and down a field. Well I'm going to find them. Again I looked around wandering aimlessly. Ducking branches of trees and lots of bees (the kind that sting) I came back to the park bench and sat down waiting tired and lonely. I decided if they wouldn't come to me and I couldn't come to them I'd get help! Sp I went to the souvieneer store and told the lady :Hi I'm lost!" I'm with grade 5 St Mark school." Shirley take the cash she yelled. She put her arm around my shoulder and told to relax (sounds familar I thought) She took me up to a path to another lady who took me to my class. "Oh Tracey" Miss Davis said "I'm sorry". The whole class asked at once where were you? "Lost and it wasn't fun" I snapped. Miss Davis gave me candels a klenex and took me for a walk. The lady gave me fleece the man gave me a spoon. On the bus home some people sang 99 bottles of beer, some talked, some read or whisperd. I though It could have been a whole lot better, but it could have been a whole lot better.
TONIGHT!
25.3.04
I will be appearing tonight at the FINAL ICR show at Cafe May. Come on out and say farewell to this wonderful concept show. Details below from the pen of ICR Director and Founder Prof. Marc Gorcey:
Reminder:
Folks, there's a lot of excitement and sadness afoot this week as we ramp up for probably the very LAST symposium of The Institute for Comedy Research.
We'll be presenting our findings *THURSDAY, 9PM at Caf?May, 396 Roncesvalles - NO COVER.*
The show will be dedicated to Keiko and the tireless support she has provided for the much maligned field of comedy science. When the universities turned us away, only Keiko came forward with a basket of popcorn and gave us a home. For this we are eternally grateful.
OUR WORK IS A GIFT TO FUTURE GENERATIONS ! IT IS NOT MEANT AS AN OFFERING TO THE IGNORANT ELDERS OF ACADEME THAT CAN NEVER UNDERSTAND SUCH BOLD RESEARCH !
*** COME ! LET US DANCE AND LAUGH OVER THE FUNERAL PYRE OF THE ICR ! ***
*** COMICS ! SCIENTISTS ! CLOWNS ! DEVOTED FANS ! LET US GATHER TOGETHER ! ***
Reminder:
Folks, there's a lot of excitement and sadness afoot this week as we ramp up for probably the very LAST symposium of The Institute for Comedy Research.
We'll be presenting our findings *THURSDAY, 9PM at Caf?May, 396 Roncesvalles - NO COVER.*
The show will be dedicated to Keiko and the tireless support she has provided for the much maligned field of comedy science. When the universities turned us away, only Keiko came forward with a basket of popcorn and gave us a home. For this we are eternally grateful.
OUR WORK IS A GIFT TO FUTURE GENERATIONS ! IT IS NOT MEANT AS AN OFFERING TO THE IGNORANT ELDERS OF ACADEME THAT CAN NEVER UNDERSTAND SUCH BOLD RESEARCH !
*** COME ! LET US DANCE AND LAUGH OVER THE FUNERAL PYRE OF THE ICR ! ***
*** COMICS ! SCIENTISTS ! CLOWNS ! DEVOTED FANS ! LET US GATHER TOGETHER ! ***
FREE MARTHA!
23.3.04
If I have to hear one more woman tell a "joke" about Martha Stewart going to the big house, I have to warn you, I may just freak out. One more gag about baking files into cakes or making Connecticut license plates more attractive by adhering pine cones to them and I'm going to take my whisk, my spatula and my hot glue gone and beat the jokester upside the head. Hard.
I understand that Martha Stewart is a legend and that people like to see legends fall. I understand that her "perfectionist" persona, her attention to detail and her obvious love of the finer things in life make some women feel inferior. Yes, I get that you're overworked, underpaid and under appreciated. Martha gets on your last nerve because you assume that the high standards she holds up for herself are being held up to you.
I think that's what bothers me so much. It feels somehow that stress cases everywhere are justifying the chaos in their own lives by saying "she thought she was perfect and look at her now".
Ladies, I beg of you, RELAX! Cook yourself something nice, buy yourself some flowers, take a bubble bath and calm the hell down.
Then, when you're nice and serene, pick up a newspaper and try to make some sense out of the fact that those crooks at Enron are walking away with retirement packages and Martha Stewart is facing prison time.
Try to reconcile the fact that it seems she is being punished not so much for her actual crime but for the fact that she is an uncompromising business woman. Men who act and succeed like Martha are idealized and revered. When are we, as women, going to decide that enough is enough?
When I was younger, I used to say things like "I'm not a feminist, but...". You know, because feminists were scary, militant, arm pit hair growing, man haters. It looked like more fun to be Anna Wintour than it was to be Gloria Stienam. I mean, we already had the vote, right? Then, a friend of mine put it to me this way:
"Feminism is the radical notion that women are people"
Martha Stewart may very well have had what is coming to her. But in light of the double standards at work all over the world and the fact that she is a woman, a person, one of us...I for one, think it would be nice if we rallied behind her instead of taking pleasure in her downfall.
I understand that Martha Stewart is a legend and that people like to see legends fall. I understand that her "perfectionist" persona, her attention to detail and her obvious love of the finer things in life make some women feel inferior. Yes, I get that you're overworked, underpaid and under appreciated. Martha gets on your last nerve because you assume that the high standards she holds up for herself are being held up to you.
I think that's what bothers me so much. It feels somehow that stress cases everywhere are justifying the chaos in their own lives by saying "she thought she was perfect and look at her now".
Ladies, I beg of you, RELAX! Cook yourself something nice, buy yourself some flowers, take a bubble bath and calm the hell down.
Then, when you're nice and serene, pick up a newspaper and try to make some sense out of the fact that those crooks at Enron are walking away with retirement packages and Martha Stewart is facing prison time.
Try to reconcile the fact that it seems she is being punished not so much for her actual crime but for the fact that she is an uncompromising business woman. Men who act and succeed like Martha are idealized and revered. When are we, as women, going to decide that enough is enough?
When I was younger, I used to say things like "I'm not a feminist, but...". You know, because feminists were scary, militant, arm pit hair growing, man haters. It looked like more fun to be Anna Wintour than it was to be Gloria Stienam. I mean, we already had the vote, right? Then, a friend of mine put it to me this way:
"Feminism is the radical notion that women are people"
Martha Stewart may very well have had what is coming to her. But in light of the double standards at work all over the world and the fact that she is a woman, a person, one of us...I for one, think it would be nice if we rallied behind her instead of taking pleasure in her downfall.
I'm here all week...literally
10.3.04
Hello Friends, Curiosity Seekers...Detractors,
What have I done for you lately? Not much, I’m afraid. Not much. As a result, next week I’ve decided to give up sitting down. I’m giving it up people, and I’m going cold turkey.
It’s all stand up, all the time.
*****************************************************
Sunday, March 14th – 9pm (ish)
DRINK TILL THEY’RE FUNNY
The Old York Bar & Grill
167 Niagara Ave (near King & Bathurst)
FREE
A relaxed evening of open mic stand up run by great Producers/Hosts.
****************************************************************
Monday, March 15th – 7:30pm
THE URBAN SCHOOL OF MIRTH
Peel Pub
191 College St. (College & St. George)
FREE
I will be the guest panelist and featured comic on this exciting new American Idol style comedy show where Humber School of Comedy students compete for cash prizes. Think of me as the Gladys Knight of Toronto comedy. With host Melissa Story and character comedians Kerri Salki and Brett Reason (The Urban Mirth Players).
**********************************************************************
Wednesday, March 17h – 9pm
ST. PATRICK’S DAY SHOW “FUNNY IRISH!”O’Grady’s
171 College St. (College & St. George)
FREE
It’s St. Patty’s Day. My name is Nolan. This joint is called O’Grady’s. It’s a recipe for HILARITY with a side of green beer! Produced by the Cheeky Chef himself! Check out the website for upcoming shows www.cheekychef.com.
********************************************************
Thursday, March 18th – 10pm
THE BIG ASS COMEDY SHOW
Slack Alice
562 Church Street (at Wellesely)
FREE
My long awaited return to my very favorite room. You will fall in love with everything about this place, especially the fabulous firecracker of a host, Martina Gail!!! For more on Slack’s and the Big Ass Comedy Show visit www.slackalice.ca you’ll be glad you did.
****************************************************************
Sunday, March 21st – 9pm
THE CHEEKY CHEF COMEDY SHOW
The Fox & Fiddle
106 John Street (corner of John & Adelaide)
FREE
Another show brought to you by the hardest working man in showbiz, The Cheeky Chef! This show is hosted by the one and only Richard Ryder, so you know it’s gonna be funny. For more visit www.cheekychef.com
Air Kisses,
Tracey
"Miss Nolan" if you're nasty
What have I done for you lately? Not much, I’m afraid. Not much. As a result, next week I’ve decided to give up sitting down. I’m giving it up people, and I’m going cold turkey.
It’s all stand up, all the time.
*****************************************************
Sunday, March 14th – 9pm (ish)
DRINK TILL THEY’RE FUNNY
The Old York Bar & Grill
167 Niagara Ave (near King & Bathurst)
FREE
A relaxed evening of open mic stand up run by great Producers/Hosts.
****************************************************************
Monday, March 15th – 7:30pm
THE URBAN SCHOOL OF MIRTH
Peel Pub
191 College St. (College & St. George)
FREE
I will be the guest panelist and featured comic on this exciting new American Idol style comedy show where Humber School of Comedy students compete for cash prizes. Think of me as the Gladys Knight of Toronto comedy. With host Melissa Story and character comedians Kerri Salki and Brett Reason (The Urban Mirth Players).
**********************************************************************
Wednesday, March 17h – 9pm
ST. PATRICK’S DAY SHOW “FUNNY IRISH!”O’Grady’s
171 College St. (College & St. George)
FREE
It’s St. Patty’s Day. My name is Nolan. This joint is called O’Grady’s. It’s a recipe for HILARITY with a side of green beer! Produced by the Cheeky Chef himself! Check out the website for upcoming shows www.cheekychef.com.
********************************************************
Thursday, March 18th – 10pm
THE BIG ASS COMEDY SHOW
Slack Alice
562 Church Street (at Wellesely)
FREE
My long awaited return to my very favorite room. You will fall in love with everything about this place, especially the fabulous firecracker of a host, Martina Gail!!! For more on Slack’s and the Big Ass Comedy Show visit www.slackalice.ca you’ll be glad you did.
****************************************************************
Sunday, March 21st – 9pm
THE CHEEKY CHEF COMEDY SHOW
The Fox & Fiddle
106 John Street (corner of John & Adelaide)
FREE
Another show brought to you by the hardest working man in showbiz, The Cheeky Chef! This show is hosted by the one and only Richard Ryder, so you know it’s gonna be funny. For more visit www.cheekychef.com
Air Kisses,
Tracey
"Miss Nolan" if you're nasty
Bad Blogger. BAAAAAAAAD Blogger....
10.3.04
Seems I've neglected you little friend. What's it been? Six months? What's new with me?
Well...did that one-woman show 29 FOREVER at The Pilot Tavern. Moved apartments. Enjoyed the holidays. Turned 30. Went to Ottawa for a little while. Started re-writing my one-woman show. Watched as Roger Clemens and Andy Petite became the poster children for marriage in San Francisco. Began whole-heartedly researching new project on Aylesworth and Peppiat (to be written and released, in some form this year). And now it's almost Springtime and here you are waiting for me. Loyal Blog.
I promise to write and visit more.
See Blog? Now you know how my Mother feels.
Well...did that one-woman show 29 FOREVER at The Pilot Tavern. Moved apartments. Enjoyed the holidays. Turned 30. Went to Ottawa for a little while. Started re-writing my one-woman show. Watched as Roger Clemens and Andy Petite became the poster children for marriage in San Francisco. Began whole-heartedly researching new project on Aylesworth and Peppiat (to be written and released, in some form this year). And now it's almost Springtime and here you are waiting for me. Loyal Blog.
I promise to write and visit more.
See Blog? Now you know how my Mother feels.
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